Numbering My Days | by Linda Brendle

Linda Brendle's Life After Caregiving

This is a post I wrote in 2011. In honor of my recent change in age, I thought I’d share it:

Birthday-Cake-Lots of CandlesI’ve been thinking more about days lately and less about months or years. Maybe it’s because Mom’s ninetieth birthday is coming up. When you’re ten or twenty years old, being ninety is something you can’t imagine, but when you’re next birthday will bring a Medicare card, imagining it is a little easier. Realizing that your days are numbered and that number is dwindling makes you look at them a little differently.

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Waiting for Death while Rejoicing in Life

My mother is dying of Alzheimers and Parkinsons disease. There is fluid around her heart and in her lungs and her kidneys are failing.  She refuses to go to the hospital and has a living will right on the wall by her bed.  Vicky, her nurse, has said it’s only a matter of time and so we wait and relish every moment we have together. You see, my mother is also my very best friend.  We have grown to love and respect each other as women, mothers, and writers.  She writes beautiful poetry and has published three books so far. I am so proud of her and watching her slip from my grasp has been the hardest thing I have ever done.
So while I hold my mother’s fragile hand and wait for the Lord to take her home, we rejoice in happy things. The publication of two of my books, retirement from teaching, and best of all, the birth of my grandson Remington Crowe!  His gentle nature mirrors that of his mother and he’s the apple of many a family member’s eyes. When I hold him, I feel calm, at peace, and connected to this world.
Magic GardenMy brother Philip once told me that death was like walking from one room to another. I totally believe that because it means our loved ones will be waiting with the Lord on the other side. So as my mom and I get closer to that gentle passing, I try to keep one foot in this world and one in the other. Not an easy thing to do.





Saturday Edition – What’s Holding You Back from Your Writer’s Life?

Jamie can really put it on the line!

Live to Write - Write to Live

Don't be scared of paper tigers. Don’t be scared of paper tigers.

I’m in need of a writer-to-writer pep talk today, so I’ve decided to give myself one.

This isn’t going to be easy. I’m realizing, to my chagrin, that being optimistic and upbeat comes much more naturally when things are going well. Who’d have thought? Maintaining a good attitude is a bit more challenging when you’re stuck at the bottom of the proverbial well with no rope and no ladder (and a creeping suspicion that something malicious may be lurking down there with you, just waiting to jump out from the shadows and give you a nasty bite, or worse).

Why I’m down here in the metaphorical muck is mostly immaterial, so I won’t bore you with the details. Let’s just say that the struggle has been a little tougher than usual and I’m starting to feel like someone may be out to get me…

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